


courage

by myrosebudboy



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 13:42:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7894819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrosebudboy/pseuds/myrosebudboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the possible final battle of GTL's Simon Snow series</p>
            </blockquote>





	courage

“You could be great, Simon,” the Humdrum says, voice smooth as honey. _Like a siren’s song_ , Simon thinks dazedly.

“You know it, Simon,” the Humdrum whispers. “All the power in the world. You could have everything at the slightest flick of your fingertips. You would never have to want for anything again.”

He shakes his head, once, twice, thrice, like there’s water in his ears and he’s trying to get rid of it. The Humdrum’s face is outlined in the dim light, the shadows of the leaves overhead cutting across his face like sharp, dark blades, swaying back and forth, almost hypnotic.

The Humdrum’s voice is everywhere, ringing in his ears, echoing in his brain. Simon’s hand shakes, and then he feels it - tendrils of magic snaking their way around him, slipping into his mind, trying to scramble everything he’s ever believed.

 _It hurts_ , he registers dimly, and the Humdrum smiles a lovely, brilliant smile. “Doesn’t it?”

He wants to say no, but he can’t find his voice, his throat closing in on itself, his entire mind crumpling in on itself, slowly, agonisingly. It’s like a million little battles going on in his head, and he screams, except no sound comes out of his mouth at all. The world blurs, and all he can see is the Humdrum in front of him, watching him struggle without the smallest bit of sympathy.

He doesn’t know how long they stand there, simply staring at each other. A battle rages inside Simon’s head, him trying desperately to push the Humdrum back out and the Humdrum launching attack after attack with ease, looking on amusedly.

Simon’s concentration slips, and it’s agony, like fissures are running through his head and everything is cracking and breaking and shattering, and he lets out a strangled noise, fists clenched at his sides, fighting to keep himself upright. He wrenches his eyes away from the Humdrum’s and feels exhaustion surge into every part of him, staggering on his feet.

The Humdrum laughs. “One to me, zero to you.” He tilts his head a little, regarding Simon almost pitifully. “Then again, we’re the same person, aren’t we?”

Simon wants to shout, _No. I’m nothing like you!_ , but all he can do is squeeze his eyes shut, blindly reaching for support that isn’t there.

“You could stop the pain, you know,” the Humdrum continues carelessly. The small red ball in his hand jumps from palm to palm. “Save both of us the trouble, won’t you? We both win; or we both lose. What does the world matter to you, anyway?

“Join me, Simon,” the Humdrum whispers, voice lilting. Taunting him. Tempting him. “Just give in.” One pale hand reaches out to him, and the Humdrum looks so small, only a boy, shimmering in the moonlight.

For one moment, he almost does, knees shaking, arms shaking, trembling with the effort to stay up. To stay alive.

Then the Humdrum’s magic reaches the centre of his mind, and images splash across his vision, melding into each other, everything being pulled out of him at once. He sees Agatha’s smile, as lovely as the Humdrum’s, but warmer, somehow. Baz’s piles of research books about the Humdrum and magic in their room flash past. Penny’s fierce, wild grin in the second battle surfaces for just a second. He hears laughter, and Baz’s grudging offer of help. He feels the tug of Agatha’s unwavering faith, and all his memories are being thrown at him and sucked back out at the same time, swirling and swirling and swirling and it _hurts_ , somehow -

And pictures and people and places rush past him, faster and faster and faster and faster until he’s gasping for breath, stumbling backwards as the Humdrum advances, coolly, calmly, still tossing his red ball from hand to hand -

And then the sting of the Mage’s slap returns, and the crackle of fire that night on the grounds rises around him until he swears he can smell the suffocating smoke, and he can feel the sharp pain in his side from when Baz set the chimera on him in fifth year. The dull ache in his head from Baz pushing him down the stairs in third year. His twisted ankle from running from the Humdrum in second year. The injuries blur together, hit after hit after hit, until he feels like his breath’s been knocked out of him, but it doesn’t stop, wounds opening and bleeding anew, bruises on his chin and knees blooming yellow green red purple, on and on and on until he can’t move. And beneath that, every bit of doubt he’s ever felt bubbles to the surface, sneering at him, and he can feel his magic rising to the surface of his skin, slowly seeping out of him to twirl around the Humdrum, and _don’t break, Simon, you can’t break now_ -

Then he feels a hand slip into his, even though his hand clenches around air. Penny, just like she’d promised, casting with Baz from the edge of the forest.

He squeezes his eyes shut.

Penny’s voice echoes in his mind, and suddenly she’s right in front of him, eyes clear, jaw set, ring raised. _Lose the battle, win the war_.

Baz’s eyes are glittering. _Straight as an arrow_ , he hisses, shaking with the strain, and Simon feels his magic sharpen, sparking out of him, shaping itself into a deadly point, thrumming throughout his entire body.

“Just give in,” the Humdrum purrs, every part of him radiating arrogance, so sure of his victory, because he’s got Simon exactly where he wants. “Just give in.”

Except he hasn’t got Simon exactly where he wants, not really. Not at all.

He looses the arrow, and it flies across the clearing, deadly and silent, straight and true.

Simon lifts his head, looks the Humdrum dead in the eye.

“No.”

The Humdrum’s eyes fly open in shock as the world explodes into white.


End file.
